Question #2
One message I received in the past year is that coming out is "safe" for queer folks still in high school. There have been recent shows that have countered the centralized white liberal centered narrative. Regarding consistency, I feel like my experience coming out in high school was safer than many other folks, but still, it didn't capture the real anxiety and dread I felt after my mother's initial rejection of my identity.
Popular media often portrays the experiences of black people, not to mention that of black immigrants as something we should be grateful for. When we accomplish things you know, people always want to know, well what did you have to overcome, what's special about you that allowed you to achieve this. Even the everyday things we take for granted aren't really afforded to our stories unless seen through the gaze of overcoming some underlying trauma. It's like you can't joy enjoy or experience something because you like it.
That being bi meant you were half gay, half straight instead of it being its own thing. That I should be good with numbers and finance because I’m Asian. Not really consistent considering I’m homoromantic and I’m not a fan of math. Period.
Low SES: only way out is being super smart and getting scholarships (inherently negative identity or life circumstance), speak in an “uneducated” or informal way / lots of swearing, substance use
Queer: should either be heavily involved in the arts or sports, high libido / lots of unprotected sex, to be a “good” queer person means being out and proud regardless of the cost / risk in a way that doesn’t consider intersectional privilege With non-binary specifically - wanting to medically transition or have at least one surgery / take hormones MH dx: unstable, not reliable / always needing support rather than providing it, lifelong label Overall, very inconsistent with how I experience myself. As a South Asian, there is a lot of studiousness that is expected of me, that I'm an "exotic" woman or a backwards homemaker and nothing in between. Definitely none of those feel right to me!
For this question, I think it’s easiest to focus on the depiction of fat women in the media. Not fat people in general, specifically fat women. The media communicates that fat women are undesirable and should change in order to be accepted and liked. The media portrays fat women as sad and lonely and generally should put more effort into being likable. Being likable translates into being agreeable and subservient through making ourselves smaller, more invisible. I have been overweight my entire life and internalized these messages from a young age. Now that I’m older, I’m able to identify the ways in which they’re flawed and the intentions behind sending these messages but I still struggle with my self image because of the media’s messaging.
Typically I've seen a weird dichotomy with Hispanic characters in media where they're either presented as very lazy or very hard working, which always seemed a bit odd. I consider myself fairly hard working when I need to get things done, especially when working in groups. There is also a lot of attention given to drug cartels and gangs, which doesn't line up with me. I don't typically see bisexuality portrayed in the media I'm consuming.
Aromantic: Since there's no representation I can think of right now, I guess the lack of a character is damning erasure. That lack of representation says I'm alone or weird; the lack means something is wrong with me. It says media doesn't think aromantics have a story worth telling or representing to the masses. Well, I guess some could argue that Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory might be aro and possibly ace. And Sheldon is unempathic, solely obsessed with science & his work, cold, awkward, and more. I guess villains tend to be more interested in obtaining their goals than having romantic & sexual relationships, so maybe that's also a message. As for how consistent that is with how I consider myself, not at all! I've been highly empathic from a young age! I completed a master's degree in counseling with a specialization in marriage and family therapy so I understand people, relationships, etc. I'm definitely not a villain and I've also never been called cold or awkward. So, I guess the polar opposite, although I've only known I'm an aro ace for less than 2 years. Thought I was demiromantic and demisexual for about 2 years before that and a perpetually single heterosexual prior to 4 years ago.
Asexual: Similar to aromantic, the erasure says my way of being in this world doesn't exist. And if I'm not seeing the sort of relationship that I might want portrayed in media, then I think it doesn't exist. Or maybe I'm being selfish in wanting an atypical sort of relationship or intimacy. Also, some of the stereotypes paint people who don't have sex as frigid or prudes, even though some aces like sex, even kinky sex. So, if media is portraying asexuality, they might be portraying aces as unfeeling or as people who don't like touch or connection. They can say asexuals are selfish for withholding sex from their partner, so the ace person should have sex with their partner, even if they don't fully want or enjoy it. Sometimes characters who aren't in relationships are weird loners who just can't get a date and are jealous of everyone else and then become villains or are simply the butt of jokes. Consistent with myself: Once again, not really. I have been single for over a decade, but since I realized my sexual and romantic orientation, I love being single. If I could afford it, I would probably consider being single until I die, but given all my student debt and the fact that women are paid less than men for the same work, I probably need to look for someone who will deal with me being an aro ace and might never feel the same way for them that they feel for me. Also, I might not be pursuing anything sexual with a guy, but I do have a few adult toys and often have orgasms. And I know men have been interested in me, but that was before I realized I was aro ace, so I would leave before they got really interested and ask me out, because I just hadn't felt that spark that people always talk about. I figured I wasn't really into them, not knowing I probably never would feel that sort of way to anyone. So, I guess the lack of examples in media to draw on sometimes leaves me unsure of what to do in romantic or sexual situations. Atheist: I don't feel like we see a lot of atheists, either. And some believers are more ignorant that some people aren't Christian like them than others. You've shows focused on ultra conservative fundamental evangelicals who believe women are there to pop out as many babies as physically possible, which normalizes some fringe religious beliefs that are pretty harmful to believers and everyone else. Most characters are assumed to be a Christian, unless they've chosen to make a character believe in a different religion for some reason, like a Muslim man who is the villain in a crime procedural. Similar to the aro ace ones, I guess atheists would be seen as weirdos or villains, or have a conversion to believer. Consistent to myself: Not at all. I've always been empathic and conscientious of others, so I would never wish harm on anyone else. I was Catholic when I was younger, and my faith was pretty meaningful in high school and college, when I attended a liberal Jesuit high school that taught us to question our Catholic faith and then an even more liberal Newman Center at university. Shortly after graduating, the Pope (1) essentially said women would never hold positions of authority/power/importance within Church hierarchy, and (2) essentially said that anything other than heterosexual romance and sex is a sin, and ironically some of the more spiritual and/or religious folks I know are LGBTQIA+ Catholics. And I've a few more reasons for turning atheist, but this was also almost a decade before I realized I was LGBTQIA+. Between the hypocrasy and some need for logic, I became an atheist. Media might portray an atheist as super-logical, because media needs to give characters reasons to be atheists, and logical non-emotional would work their story lines. I might be pretty logical, but I do follow my emotions, too. That bisexuals are greedy, gross, cheaters, or sex addicts. Alternatively, that bisexuals are actually straight or actually gay, rather than being a separate identity. These messages are not consistent with how I am.
I should be hypersexual and attracted to all women. That I’m aggressive. They are not consistent at all. I’m a caring and sensitive male who at times feels and is allowing of feminine feelings and experiences. I’m not aggressive at all. I’m not attracted to everyone I meet and I don’t think or want sex all the time.
Movies betray Asian women as either these sexual people (hookers, prostitution, etc...). It seems that how Asians look are never up to par with Caucasians in the media. These don’t ring true for me or how I view myself. I am pretty confident in who I am.
Media portrayals of my identity indicate that I should hold myself to some traditionally-feminine standards of mannerisms or appearance. For example, homosexual men are usually expected to be clean, well-dressed, and physically fit. Similar to the previous prompt, media portrayals also focus on hyper-sexualized gay men. People who are going to clubs, having casual sex, and immersed within a culture of drugs and shallow relationships. Many times homosexual characters are also portrayed as coming from 'broken' backgrounds like their family outcast them as a result of their identity. Media portrayals of my identity tend to also present homosexuals as having difficulty forming romantic relationships as a result of familial history and the hyper-sexualized culture described above.
Describing how consistent these messages are when compared to my own identity is somewhat challenging; some media portrayals establish a learned behavior. That is to say, I chose to portray myself consistently with these outward representations for the sake of being identified and finding those who identify similarly. Because I have learned and practiced these behaviors (e.g. flamboyance, feminine appearance and habits), I find it difficult to separate who I am and who I might have been without the external representation. In some senses I have adopted these characteristics out of necessity, considering them more as a tool to establish relationships with others of my identity. I do not identify with most of popular media portrayals of gay men. I do not come from a challenging childhood and I do not participate in a culture of clubbing, sex, or drugs. During a more formative period of my life, through college & post-adolescence, I attempted to find myself in this culture and reflect it in my identity. However, it was not genuine and I found that defining my identity as uniquely mine was far more valuable and led me to a richer life experience. They should be partying constantly, that I'll never have a long term relationship, that my opinions and struggles don't need to be heard. I don't find this true at all.
I would say the messages communicated are the inability to see folx who hold my marginalized identities in a position of power, upper-level titles, or be the main character. I think growing up, the messages I received were pretty consistent as to how I saw myself. As I keep learning more about systems of power, privilege, and oppression it has helped me not to accept the narrative for myself and I have to admit there are times where I still find myself struggling such as imposter syndrome.
Jews have been involved in Hollywood, and therefore popular culture for a long time, but are generally depicted as comedians or sidekicks. The Jewish sense of humor is pervasive, but the stereotype of the educated, upper-middle class Jew unduly concerned with money and weak or submissive or helpless in the face of violence or assertiveness is still pervasive. The father in Schitt's Creek, a sitcom, is an example of this. An interesting case is also Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds, where the Basterds are presented as fearsome Jews - but notably their leader, Aldo Raine, is American and not Jewish, and he receives more screentime than the members of his unit.
Those messages do help shape some of my perceptions of what it means to be Jewish - specifically, well-educated and fiscally responsible, which are far from the worst stereotypes. There are branches of my family tree where you can't take two steps without tripping over a doctor. However, unless the media is specifically portraying Israel during one of its conflicts or World War 2, I don't think I've ever seen something where a Jewish character is both Jewish and badass. Another case would be Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who, while Jewish in the earlier seasons, was very smart but stuttering, submissive, and had no self-esteem. It wasn't until later seasons, in which she notably became Wiccan, that Willow was presented as strong, confident, powerful, and dangerous when pushed. My uncle was in the military police and ran his own martial arts dojo - he's what I think of when I think of strong, assertive, etc., and the non-WW2 Jewish character that I see as closest to that in popular medium is Eric Lensher - the villain Magneto. Note that Magneto was a victim of the Holocaust and is a villain compared to Charles Xavier's X-men. Popular Jews in media were, as I understand it, mostly comedians (think Mel Brooks, Adam Sandler, etc.) - a form of entertainment notable for being an outlet where minorities can discuss their own experiences to others under the guise of humor. A particularly striking case I remember from the film Valerion and the City of a Thousand Planets. One of the protagonists needs information and is offered it by a group of three short, ugly creatures with large noses that seem obsessed with money. The comic the film is based on is from the early twentieth century, when anti-semitism was far more common, and I almost didn't believe the stereotype I was looking at. The creatures were off-putting, greedy, smarmy, and their nature was completely irrelevant to the plot. I resent the association between Judaism and lack of courage & manliness, because that's not how I like to see myself. The association between cleverness, education, and concern with money with that lack is, in my experience, something common to many films. In Mel Brooks' - a Jew's - film Robin Hood: Men in Tights, a comedy, Mel plays a rabbi who helps the protagonists, but is a figure of comedy and never contributes in the fighting. All of this reinforces the idea that being Jewish means being hesitant, submissive, and comedic, and while I like to think I have a good sense of humor, the rest of it conflicts with my own desire for self-confidence and self-esteem. At best Jews are portrayed like Einstein - brilliant, yes, but no one was ever afraid of getting into a fistfight with him. That I am better off working as a tradesman as opposed to holding a professional occupation. These messages serve as a catalyst in my determination.
All the Armenian characters on TV are male (gang members) so there aren't many messages for an Armenian woman besides the Kardashians. They are not consistent with how I consider myself.
Quiet, studious, and submissive to partners. I also am tall and curvy, which is unusual for an Asian woman, so a lot of people assume that I am mixed race. I do not find media messages consistent with who I am at all. Although I was studious in college, I am definitely not quiet and submissive! As far as someone who is pansexual, I do not see this representation in media at all. There is definitely a visibility issue with people who are bi or pan.
Multiracial, Demi & Heterosexual, Demi & Heteroromantic, Secular Humanist, Unmarried, Childless6/17/2020
To understand how I interpret media, it's important to have background on my upbringing. My parents are biracial, and they both struggle with their racial identity. Neither of them feel completely accepted by the racial communities they are a part of. My mom was born on a Native American reservation and my dad was born in Detroit, Michigan. Both of these places have poor life outcomes for people of color and at an early age my parents were moved by their parents away in hopes that they would have a better life. They grew up outside of communities of color and when they went back, they were not readily accepted, even by their family. My parents also were the first in their families to attend college, and they were almost finished with their degrees when they met, had me, and then got married. This being so, they strongly believed in prioritizing education even though they never finished. They also knew that if they grew up where they were born they would likely not have made it to college in the first place. This being so, neither of them were inclined to raise and socialize their children in communities of color. Instead, they poured all their resources into ensuring I had access to the education and educational opportunities they thought would help me succeed.
I attended Montessori charter schools, went to summer camps, and grew up going to museums, the symphony, and taking private sports lessons. In an attempt to provide me a path to upward social mobility, they excluded me from an immersive upbringing in communities of color, which shaped my racial narrative very differently than other people of color. The spaces they put me in were mostly devoid of people of color, and the ones that were there often had racial identities that were overshadowed by their socioeconomic privilege. In my house, we talked about race, but I didn't experience it. I was highly educated on sociological theory and cultural studies, and so when I got to college I didn't feel what many people of color do when they learn about the rich history of their ancestry that wasn't taught to them in school. However, for a long time I didn't see my own color. I knew I was black, Native American, etc. but I didn't know what it meant to me and how it impacted how I showed up in the world. This kind of awareness is usually instilled in children of color early because the world treats them differently based on how they look. This didn't happen to me. The media gives mixed message to mixed race people. The bottom line is: you are either too much or not enough because of something you can't change, and if you want to be accepted by communities you have to continually prove that you fit in with the terms that they define as "white", "black", etc. The world most often sees me a black person, and so my frame of reference growing up was mostly with black characters. One good example is Kizzy from the 2016 miniseries roots. She grew up a house slave with better access to food, shelter, and education than her enslaved parents. She was the playmate of the plantation owner's daughter who saw her as a friend, but also as an inferior. Another example is Dido from the 2013 movie Belle based off the real life of Dido Elizabeth Belle. Belle was a mixed race woman raised in an affluent white household, where she faced conflict because her servants were black but her family was white, and the outside world shunned her as the product of miscegenation. A more modern example is Coco Conners from the Netflix show "Dear White People." Coco is black but she attended affluent schools growing up and so speaks, dresses, and acts like her white peers at the fictional Ivy League school Winchester, the backdrop for the story. She faces inner turmoil throughout the series as she is never fully accepted to the black and white communities at her university that she is a part of, because she is perceived as either "too black" or "too white" depending on who you ask. I found similarities in their experiences because they were the closest examples to myself that I found in the media. The message I got from society was: we can't put you in a box because one doesn't exist for who you are. The messages, once I could understand and interpret them, provided the inspiration for me to take the label of "multiracial" because this is what I feel mostly effectively and efficiently encapsulates who I am and what that means to me without telling every person who asks the above story. That females should get married, have kids, and take care of the household. I think people expect me to be a hardcore Catholic but I am not. The only reason I still think of myself of Catholic is because that is how I grew up and some of the beliefs are going to stay with me. I am not a current practicing Catholic.
That I don’t exist. That I need to be protected. That I did something wrong.
I should be sassy, well-groomed and dressed, hard-working, wild, very sexual. I would say that most of them are true although I am not very wild nor sexual.
Gay men like to party, do drugs, and have multiple sex partners and are unable to provide a stable partner others can depend upon. Gay men live a life of sadness and loneliness. All of these options are completely inconsistent with my own perceptions of self and gay friends.
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